Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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