My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize