my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
