fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
