god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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