Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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