i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
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