I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
