We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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