The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize