he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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