tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
