I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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