Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
