I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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