I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Four minutes until I can fart!
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
