Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
