dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
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