smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I need to align my fucking chakras
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
