cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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