so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize