guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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