with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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