I don't usually arrange sex via text message
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize