i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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