We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
from now on my penis is your penis
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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