and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
