we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
