If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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