Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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