lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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