all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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