Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
