you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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