Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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