Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
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