THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Pants are for mortals
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
