You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
