if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
