I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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