dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
