i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Randomize
