Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
