You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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