Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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