I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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