I'm lost and stupid without you.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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