I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
