Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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