Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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