Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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