I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
