my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
