you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
