Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Sext me about skeletons
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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