I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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