I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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