I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
