I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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