I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
