ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
