I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
