He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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