Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I love how my cats smell like pot.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
