yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
