I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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