I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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