The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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