I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
