Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
