So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
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