if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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