Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
