I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
