Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Randomize