I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
