Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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