3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
