First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I wear drunk well.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize