I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
