she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
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