my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
