how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
