So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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