Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
