we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
