Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Holy shit dude........stairs
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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