She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
No...this little piggys going to the bar
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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