just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
