I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
