I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
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