ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
