y did u give ur computer a hand job?
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
did i just pee glitter
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
