the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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