Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
