I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
