she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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