I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
