$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
