I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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