It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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