I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
