When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
