I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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