Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
