I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
